The Law of Win-Win says, “Let’s not do it your way or my way; let’s do it the best way.” – Greg Anderson

A few years back I was introduced to the concept of “Enthusiastic Agreement” for couples. The idea is if both parties cannot enthusiastically agree on a decision, then no action is taken.

As an example, let’s say I’m ready (and find the time) to get back into triathlons and find a race I’d love to do. Jill and I both know this decision will cost us at least two things. It will cost us money for the event and travel – and I’m sure some of my gear has dry rotted by now. It will cost us precious time. Time to train and time for the event.

Let’s suppose my first proposal to Jill is I’ll drive down to the event with a buddy of mine. We’ll be gone one day and one night. No big deal, right? Jill might not be “enthusiastic” about this plan considering the before mentioned costs. Therefore, no deal – no triathlon.

Let’s say I come back to Jill with another option. I find an event that has races for the kids. We could all train together and make it a big family event. This event is located near where Jill’s family lives. This new proposal creates more wins for Jill and the family. She gets enthusiastic about the idea and we go and have a blast with our family.

Working until we reach an enthusiastic agreement is what Covey would call “win/win or no deal.” Jill and I agreed ahead of time if a decision is not something we can get excited about then we don’t do anything.

Covey writes that achieving win/win agreements requires courage and consideration. Courage to stand up for what we believe and consideration of the needs and wants of others.

Covey lays out five pillars we must have in our lives to consistently create win/win agreements. They are:

Character: We must know what we stand for and what a win is for us before we can craft win/win agreements. We also must have the maturity to “express one’s own feelings and convictions balanced with consideration for the thoughts and feelings of others.”

Lastly, we will not pay the price to create win/win solutions if we have a scarcity mentality. A person with a scarcity mindset grabs at whatever they can get because they fear there won’t be enough. We must believe there is more than enough for everyone, then we can “expand the pie” by working together.

Relationships: Trusting relationships are necessary to craft win/win agreements. Trusting relationships are created by making consistent deposits into other’s emotional bank accounts. When we enter a negotiation without a trusting relationship with the other party, we must make the time to create it.

Agreements: Covey lays out five elements of a win/win agreement. They are; desired results, guidelines or parameters within which the results are to be accomplished, resources available, standards of accountability and consequences for success and failure.

Systems: Win/win can only survive in organizations whose systems support it. You cannot reward people only on individual performance and expect cooperation. The systems must support your desired outcomes.

Processes: In the great book “Getting to Yes” authors Roger Fisher and William Ury lay out four steps to achieving win/win outcomes in any negotiation. They suggest you separate the person from the problem, focus on interests and not positions, invent options for mutual gain and insist on objective criteria.

Covey’s four-step process is similar. First, see the problem from the other’s point of view. Second, identify key issues and concerns (not positions). Third, determine what results would constitute a fully acceptable solution. Fourth, identify possible new options to achieve those results.

By implementing these five pillars in our lives, we create an environment that promotes win/win agreements. The more win/win agreements we establish, the more value we create for ourselves and those around us.

If you are ready to get started creating more clarity and meaning in your organization and life, check out our free “Values Driven Leadership” course at https://valuesdrivenresults.com/resource-library/.

As always, you can reach me at (229) 244-1559 if I can help in any way.

Curt Fowler is president of Fowler & Company and director at Fowler, Holley, Rambo & Stalvey. He is dedicated to helping leaders build great organizations and better lives for themselves and the people they lead.

Curt is a syndicated business writer, keynote speaker and business advisor. He has an MBA in strategy and entrepreneurship from the Kellogg School, is a CPA, and a pretty good guy as defined by his wife and four children.